"If Grandpa can't fix it, no one can."
A handy man is Grandpa -- a plethora of skills (wrought by many years of experience) combined with a dry sense of humor.
If you don't know what it's called, ask Grandpa.
If you don't know why it's not working, ask Grandpa.
If you're not sure how to fix it, ask Grandpa.
If Grandpa can't fix it, no one can!
Lightweight wood slat measures 6" wide by 1.5" tall.